Open Letters #1: Department Store Drama

An Open Letter to the Lady That Came into my Department Store…

Dear lady that came into my department store the other day to bitch about prices,

Your purchase was a seasonal item. A Christmas ornament that was 50% off. It was on sale. Already had a discount. 50%…. off of a 3 dollar item. A three dollar item. Three.
You cannot possibly tell me you had the right to bitch because your coupon was only for regular priced items. A coupon that I might add was another 50% off.
Do you just expect to have things for free?
Did you come here thinking that you were just going to waltz in and we’d say “Here! Oh look! The Coupon Queen! Have all of our Christmas items at whatever price you want!”
No.
No.
This world does not revolve around you.
Then…
THEN you had the gall to complain because we wouldn’t let you use multiple coupons on your purchase.
50% off the entire purchase… and then another 40% off entire purchase. Do you just take us for idiots?
I cannot fathom what goes through your mind when you come into our store. My brain just cannot wrap itself around your method of thinking.
As if the fact that you say, “I got this from the email you sent me” is going to have any effect on the fact that our policy says only one coupon per transaction.
“But that’s ridiculous!” You say.
“YOU’RE A RIDICULOUS HUMAN” is what I wish to say. “YOU NEED TO GO HOME AND MAKE SHIT YOURSELF IF ALL YOU’RE GOING TO DO IS COMPLAIN” is something else I wish to say. “IF YOU COULD READ MY MIND, YOU’D PROBABLY HAVE A HEART ATTACK BECAUSE I SWEAR I COULD JUST BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, AND I HOPE THAT CHRISTMAS ORNAMENT FINDS ITS WAY STRAIGHT UP YOUR –”

Have a nice day, ma’am. And Merry Christmas.

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One thought on “Open Letters #1: Department Store Drama

  1. That woman is the greatest Mathematician known to mankind.

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