Radius of Sneezing

I was in class the other day, taking notes and doing my school thing, when the person seven to eight seats away from me shot a sneeze that startled even the people walking around outside. And then, a frightful thought process began. Should I say bless you? Am I too far? Would it count? Would they hear me? Would I be disturbing my classmates? Now, I’m sure someone else has thought about it. I can’t be the only oddball out here.

Okay, well, maybe.

Eventually, as the blessings rose from every individual in the room, I jumped in. Trust me, that person is blessed for life. And then there’s always that awkward person who says bless you when all the blessing’s been done. Poor, awkward soul.
I’m sure it was only easy for me to figure it out this time because the sneeze was so loud. Had it been some teeny, mouse-like noise emanating seven to eight seats in any direction, I wouldn’t have known. And so! I’ve developed an ingenious method for figuring this out.

Radius of Sneezes

Say you’re the dot in the center of this diagram. Should anyone within a 7 foot radius sneeze, then, by the rules of society, you are obligated to bless the sneezer. Now, if you are outside of the circle, meaning more than 7 ft away from the sneezer, then you automatically become an annoying goody two shoes who interrupts class. There’s also a good chance that the sneezer wouldn’t even hear you and the people around you will laugh. At you. Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. If a person immediately out of the 7 foot range(7.1 ft) blesses the sneezer, then something I like to call Hoop of Holiness is activated, where several circles now become linked to the sneezer’s circle, meaning that if you are within any of these hoops, you must bless the sneezer.

And that’s that.

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2 thoughts on “Radius of Sneezing

  1. Have you ever been in the awkward situation where you have a room full of people, one sneezer, and NO ONE willing to bless them? It goes something like this:

    Group is huddled in classroom-like environment, doing something vague that I can’t remember. One sorry, SOB sneezes. I open my mouth with an inverted lip-curl to formulate “B” and the eventual “less you,” when I stop and look around. No one else has moved. No one else has flinched. No one else has side-glanced. I am alone in my reaction. So the inevitable thought process starts…”wow, what assholes!”….”maybe I’m the only one who heard it”…”what if I imagined the entire thing”…I am in a frenzy of self-doubt and unreasonable paranoia…

    So I construct a new plan. I am going to fake sneeze and test the reaction of the group. Genius. After moments of imaginary practice I let out a highly believable false sneeze.

    Silence. No one gives a flying f***. “wow, what assholes…”

    The End

    PS: I have no idea why I wrote this whole comment. Needless to say I liked your post and can relate on several levels. Good luck with the blog and keep it up! 🙂

    • therubbe says:

      Oh man, that’s happened to me several times. It’s even more awkward when the person sneezes, then pauses, then sneezes, then pauses again. Sneeze. Pause. And if you’re like me, it’s pretty much a reflex to bless people, so just imagine how many Bless You’s would follow that. So many, in fact, that the sneezer stops saying “Thank you” and I’m sure whispers “Shut up” instead.

      Yeah, I’m awkward. But I’m nice. No?

      And thanks for your comment and wishes! Good luck on your endeavors too!

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