Dear Dude from High School I had a crush on who decided I wasn’t good enough,
I saw you the other day working at Film Depot. You looked good! For a balding 25 year old. Yeah… I saw that. Funny how you tried to hide it by letting your hair get long. How you could have possibly come up with that solution is beyond me. Oh, and the beat up 1984 Volkswagen golf? Classic touch. Real.. retro… Ugh, sorry, excuse me. I almost barfed writing that line.
Hey! I was wondering about that Alternative Rock band you had been trying to put together. Yeah, how’s that going? Oh, still in its Garage band phase? Oh, totally, I know how that goes. It hasn’t really taken off. Still trying to find your sound after all these years. Dude, that’s rough.
Wait a sec! How’s that babe you totally ignored me for? Remember the one with the rockin’ body? Man, she was hot! Oh, she’s a porn star now? She left you because she didn’t get your music? Harsh, bro. Was it the inquisitive artist’s soul that confused her, or just the fact that you started working at a movie stop right after high school after promising her she’d get to star in your ‘way awesome’ music video? Man, women. They just don’t get the life of a poor musician. Of course it’s not all rockin’ out and partyin’ on. It was her, huh? She stopped the creative flow. Good thing you got rid of her.
But I bet you’ve got your own place now, yeah? Living in a cool bachelor pad with a bitchin’ view? Oh, at your mom’s house? She’s making you sleep on the couch!? What the hell, man? Doesn’t she understand that a grown man has to have his own room? She shouldn’t just expect you to get out when family members are around! How embarrassing, dude. Not cool.
Well, I’ll let you get back to stocking those totally awesome movies. Good luck with ‘Flying High’. Oh, you changed the name of your band? Now it’s ‘Just Get Drunk’? Oh, dude, please, you’re totally going to go places.
That girl who “just wasn’t what you were looking for”