Tag Archives: lady gaga

Pa-Pa-Pa Poke Her Face

One of the more useless functions on Facebook is the “poke” feature. What exactly does this do, besides annoy the living crap out of people? “Teehee, I virtually poked you.”

No, you didn’t.

I’m sitting at my desk right now, completely poke-free. I don’t know you who think you poked, but it wasn’t me. I have no splitting pain in my side and unless you’re some invisible entity, you sure as hell didn’t poke me.

There’s a higher chance that I poked myself.

And the poking wars! Well, I hate having notifications stuck in the upper right hand corner of my homepage, so of course I unintentionally encourage this idiotic behavior. Until someone finally forgets, the pokes are generally endless.

I’m damn tired of it. Next time you poke me, I’m camping outside your house in the nearest bush and waiting for you to step out. I’m going to tackle you to the ground, Facebook Poker, and finally give you all the pokes you deserve.

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Lady Gaga: Destroyer of Worlds

Lady Gaga scares the shit out of me. Look at the stuff she wears. It’s like she’s from another planet. She probably is. I know she is. I swear she’s going to take over the world someday. And when she does, never say I didn’t tell you so.

I mean, the signs are right there in front of us. Her clothing seemingly cannot be replicated by any other human being. She even calls herself the “Fame Monster.” How much more evidence do we need? She’s clearly another worldly being who’s intent on finishing off the entire Milky Way.

She tries to draw us all in by trying to look cute, pretending to have a stuttering problem. “Pa-pa-pa-pokerface pa-pa-pokerface,” “papa-papa-paparazzi.”…. I’m not falling for any of it.

It’s all part of her master plan. Can’t you tell? For god’s sake, she already has Elton John on her side! First she’ll take over the pop charts, then planet Earth. It’s all just a matter of time now.

Being the overlord of Earth won’t be enough either. No way. She’ll quickly get bored and destroy us all, change her name to Mistress Googoo, and fly away in her spaceship to another world to do the same to them. I’m telling you, this bitch is crazy!

I know what you’re thinking, “how can we stop this?” It’s simple: stop listening to her music. Don’t pay attention to any of the stuff she says or does, and her power will dwindle down to nearly nothing.

Yeah, that ought to get her annoying shit off the radio.

Guest Rubber: Gabriel Otero

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