Tag Archives: poetry

Haiku by Heather

Demon Flying Roach
What the fuck? Shit Shit Shit Shit
Holy Fuck, no bug spray

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

An Ode to the Surprise Onion Ring in an Order of French Fries

This is for the Onion Ring that was breaded and fried,
And somehow got misplaced in my box of fries.
You made me so happy, you made me so gay,
But how did you end up in my order today?

The cook, ever so generous, slaved in the kitchen.
With food all around, it must have been bitchin!
He worked so fast as he scooped up my fries,
He picked you up too, and it slipped past his eyes

He hands me the bag, Whopper, fries and all,
I reach into it, and time seems to stall.
Because when I look at the fries, what else do I see,
But a single ring in a bed of potatoes staring at me.

You’re so much different from your potato counterparts.
They’re straight and you’re round; that’s a good start.
What can I say but you’re one of a kind,
Especially since you left your onion comrades behind.

You certainly tasted like no other,
Definitely different from your long golden brothers.
And there it is, my great ode to you,
And Hopefully next time, they’ll slip in two.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

Lady Gaga: Destroyer of Worlds

Lady Gaga scares the shit out of me. Look at the stuff she wears. It’s like she’s from another planet. She probably is. I know she is. I swear she’s going to take over the world someday. And when she does, never say I didn’t tell you so.

I mean, the signs are right there in front of us. Her clothing seemingly cannot be replicated by any other human being. She even calls herself the “Fame Monster.” How much more evidence do we need? She’s clearly another worldly being who’s intent on finishing off the entire Milky Way.

She tries to draw us all in by trying to look cute, pretending to have a stuttering problem. “Pa-pa-pa-pokerface pa-pa-pokerface,” “papa-papa-paparazzi.”…. I’m not falling for any of it.

It’s all part of her master plan. Can’t you tell? For god’s sake, she already has Elton John on her side! First she’ll take over the pop charts, then planet Earth. It’s all just a matter of time now.

Being the overlord of Earth won’t be enough either. No way. She’ll quickly get bored and destroy us all, change her name to Mistress Googoo, and fly away in her spaceship to another world to do the same to them. I’m telling you, this bitch is crazy!

I know what you’re thinking, “how can we stop this?” It’s simple: stop listening to her music. Don’t pay attention to any of the stuff she says or does, and her power will dwindle down to nearly nothing.

Yeah, that ought to get her annoying shit off the radio.

Guest Rubber: Gabriel Otero

Tagged , , ,