Tag Archives: random

Would You Rather # 6

This week brought to you by the weekend premier of The Woman in Black.

Would you rather…Be perpetually stuck in a horror movie where each scene feels brand new every time

or have a ghost serenade you with Justin Bieber’s hit song 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until you die?

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Haiku by Heather

Demon Flying Roach
What the fuck? Shit Shit Shit Shit
Holy Fuck, no bug spray

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Would You Rather #5

Today’s Would You Rather places you in the political hot seat. Choose wisely…

 

Would you rather take a bubble bath with George Bush while discussing the intricacies of the War in Iraq

or

Would you rather have your legs run over by a tank?

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Blackjack

I have officially been 21 years old for two weeks now( why did I decided to write this post after two weeks? Well, it was going to be after one but I got lazy…). So what has happened, now that I’ve reached the age of adulthood?

1. I got into a fight with my roommates, while sober. But I like to think of it as practice for when I’m not sober.

2. I’ve still officially never been drunk for a little over 21 years. I did have a couple of frou-frou drinks( e.g. Smirnoff Green Apple things and Mike’s Hard Lemonade) though.

3. I can own a gun,presumably for when I have fights with my roommates and I’m drunk. Or sober.

4. My humor has become much more macabre. See above.

5. Every ache and pain in my body feels like it needs immediate attention. It’s just practice for this new half of my life where you need to be wary of what happens to your body as you go south.

6. I called the bank and got my overdraft fees removed. Yeah, ’cause I’m just that adult-like!

7. I have decided that I’m definitely not an adult for the following reasons: toilet humor rends me handicapped, people tripping brings me joy, I make ill comments about anyone, I play more video games than I should, and I procrastinate like there’s no tomorrow(which is hard). There’s more, but I’m going to try to keep some of my “dignity.”

8. A couple of days ago, I spelled the word lightning “lightening.” I died a little inside. In my defense, it was on an on-screen keyboard. Come on, those things suck…

9. I know I had one for nine, but…

10. On the same subject, my memory is just not what it used to be. I now fully rely on post-its. EVERYWHERE.

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Spanglish Things My Mother Says

My mother cannot speak English, but she likes to pretend she can. Every now and then, I catch her attempting to pronounce a word, and most of the time, I can’t even decipher them. Here’s a short list of English words my mother made up. I’ve even taken the liberty of providing examples where these words might be used.

Cross sign = Croissant
ex. Do joo guant a cross sign today?

Seebway = Subway
ex. Seebway no es muy caro.

Nafe = Name
ex. Guat is jour nafe?

Guiriri/Guiree Guiree = Weedeater
ex. Guere is dee guiriri? Necesito cortar la llerba.

Gracie = Crazy
ex. Joo Gracie. Joo bradah Gracie. Joo all Gracie.

French = Friends
ex. Y tu French?

Heather here! This is where I ruin Lissy’s post and add something about my parents. This is only really relevant if you know Denny’s and Wendy’s, I guess.
Mom: We go to Denny’s.
Me: Oh, can I come?
Dad: Okay, pero joo can only habe guan ::holds up 1 finger:: thing because I no habe much ::makes funny gesture that’s supposed to mean money but looks more like his fingers are humping::
Confused me: Okay…
*notices we’re heading to Wendy’s*
Confused me: I thought we were going to Denny’s..
Dad: Yes. ::points in direction of Wendy’s:: Denny’s.
Confused me: Huuuh…..

When Heather is on her way to Wendy's, I suspect she dresses like this.

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Would You Rather Wednesday #3

This week’s exciting Would You Rather takes place in a far away island, where no one could contact you (sounds like a dream…).

Would you rather…

Try to swim back to civilization chased by a dolphin that can’t stop talking about ‘life in the sea’

or

stay on land trying to find food, followed by a parrot that doesn’t stop insulting you?

I've always hated birds. Useless feathered, flying rocks...

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We’re Famous!

No, we’re not really famous. Mostly in my head. But the good news is The Rubbe has been nominated for the Versatile Blogger award! Of course, it goes without saying that we were nominated by an incredibly smart and telling blogger with a knack for copious amounts of innuendo. Don’t believe me? Then run over to A Spoonful of Suga here. You shan’t be disappointed!

Here's the award. Ain't it neat?!

In order to be fully initiated, I must go through ritual couchsurfing and must order myself a pizza, which I’ve already gone ahead and done. Also, these rules:

  1.  Thank the award-giver and link back to them in your post.
  2.  Share 7 things about yourself.
  3.  Pass this award along to seven others.
  4.  Contact your chosen bloggers to let them know about the award.

The Nominations!

Most of the blogs I follow have already won this prestigious award, so it was very hard to find blogs that also deserve it. But lo and behold! Here they are.

Becoming Cliche A mother’s fearless journey through life, sweaters, and randomness.

Nullam, Potius, Citius, Fortius Random everything, from Michael Buble  to Tina Fey, take a stroll through this girl’s head.

Awkward Life in Detail  If I wrote about my life, bit by bit, it probably wouldn’t be nearly as funny or entertaining as this. Definitely some life saving tips here.

My Happy Happenings Humor. Food. ‘Nough said.

The Panda Chronicles Oh gawd. Pandas!

The Drunken Warrior Sad poetry. Happy poetry. Weird poetry. Just don’t expect much of that happy stuff.

Seven Things about the Rubbe

  1. Lissy’s favorite colors are purple and green.
  2. Heather loves all things tiny and adorable.
  3. If Gabriel were female, he’d probably sleep with the entire Miami Heat team.
  4. Lissy used to be a bio-engineering major due to her love of science, but because of her hate of math, became an English major instead.
  5. Heather isn’t too fond of math either. In fact, she’d like to know who the hell Math thinks he is, acting like he’s such a big shot. Screw you, Math. Screw. You.
  6. Should Lissy ever see a professional, she could be diagnosed with OCD, intense paranoia, multiple social disorders(like extreme timidity), low blood pressure, random twitches, irritable bowel syndrome, pinched nerves, scoliosis, stomach ulcers, and most likely hypochondria.
  7. Heather likes to eat Cool Ranch Doritos, and would love it if you went out and bought her some.

Now That We’re Slightly Famous(Not Really)

We’ll be doing a lot less of this…

And a lot more of this.

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Would You Rather Wednesday #2

Happy New Year everyone! Now it’s time to bring the awkward back.

This week’s question:

Would you rather be raped by an army of gummy bears

or

listen to Rihanna’s single “Umbrella” for 8 consecutive hours?

The choice is yours...

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The Nod

During the holiday season, traffic tends to be unbearable. We spend hours in bumper to bumper traffic where I suspect, if cars were people, they would be very upset. Now, when I say traffic, I don’t mean just cars. If you live in any of the vacation cities (Miami, New York City, etc) then you get this. We got bikes, we got children, we got pieces of rubber running throughout the roads. It is usually this time of the year where pedestrians get on our nerves. Many of us wish to buy into the impulse and just run them over. Some of us do.

But wait! There’s hope for those pesky pedestrians yet.

Now, I’m sure you know the nod. Yes, the nod. If you’re not an asshole, you’ve too have done the nod. Say, you’re crossing in front of a car that’s about to park. This driver now has to wait for your jolly ass to shimmy across his future parking space, oh, from 30 seconds up to 4 minutes (You know who you are…). However, in your ultimate gift to humanity, as you finally finish taking up the driver’s time, you give them a nod.

It is now that the chaotic universe has been restored to its former glory.

The Two Steps of the Nod

There are those amazing individuals who give the nod right at the start of the process, whereby all annoyance is forgiven. Then there are those unfortunate people who wait until the very last moment to give the nod, thereby filling within the driver a growing hatred for all mankind. I believe these kinds of nodders live on an adrenaline rush. But no worries! As long as the nod is given, your karma will remain in tact.

This morning, one of our very own writers, Heather, became the target of hate and frustration everywhere. Let’s hear her story:

When I was making my way to my job, I had to cross three lanes to get to my lane to turn into the parking lot and I crossed two lanes without problem but then in the third lane, someone snuck up behind me and I almost hit them. So I was like “Oh shit…,” and went to my regular lane, let him pass, and then continued on

I will EAT YOUR YOUNG.

Achievement Unlocked! Avoided hate face.

my way. Well, I hit a red light and we both were side by side so I was like “Oh god, he’s gonna give me the ‘I hate you look'”, so i quickly looked at him and mouthed “sorry!” and held up my hand in that little wave that people make, haha. So he nodded back at me and we both went our merry way.

Thank you, Heather. What a stand up citizen! You avoided a crash and stopped a man from beating his frustration out on his wife.

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